Tim Hawthorn

cyber bard, composer, performer and author

Words

English is b0rked :: Let's fix it!

English spelling is famed for its irregularities. Not only is it next to impossible to predict the spelling from the pronunciation, it’s also often difficult to work out the pronunciation from the spelling. This has social and economic costs; it takes English speaking primary school children two years longer to master basic spelling than speakers of other languages and dyslexia is a major challenge. English spelling has been chopped and changed by countless scribes, printers, invaders and others since the Roman alphabet was first used to write Old English during the seventh century, and no longer matches the way we speak.

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Now that International English has been recognised as a separate dialect from British and American English, reform of corrupted alphabetic principles is being seriously co-ordinated for the first time since 1953 through organisations such as the International English Spelling Congress and the English Spelling Society. One such proposal is Inglik, based on similar principles to the Simpel-Fonetik system, which is intended to serve as an alternate, easy to learn English writing system suitable for international use. It attempts to directly match single symbols (graphemes) to sounds (phonemes) in order to regularise spelling and uses a simplified grammar.

Inglik is being developed as an Open Source project with a minimal ruleset including: a Spełbuk, Gramäry and Kôrpys of literature including this Frázbuk.

The examples below include a list of respelled place names that even native speakers frequently mispronounce and a selection of basic phrases of the kind that might be used to teach English as a foreign language. There is a pronunciation guide at the end with IPA equivalents and examples of the different ways sounds are written using conventional orthography. You will need a font that can display IPA characters, diacritics and special characters used in other European languages to view this page properly.

Plás nám’z

Alnwick - Anik
Bicester - Bistyr
Birmingham - Byrmiŋym
Bristol - Bristwł
Cholmondeley - Čymly
Durham - Dyrym
Edinburgh - Edinbryh
Glasgow - Glazgy
Gloucester - Glostyr
Godmanchester - Gymstyr
Hunstanton - Hynstyn
Leicester - Lestyr
Leominster - Lemstyr
London - Ländyn
Magdalen College - Môdlin Colëj
Middlesbrough - Midwłzbryh
Norwich - Norij
Peterborough - Pétyrbryh
Piccadilly Circus - Pikadily Sŷrkys
Shrewsbury - Šrózbry
Teignmouth - Tinmöþ
Warwick - Warik
Worcester - Wustyr


Iŋliš Fráz’z

þaŋk’z älot.

Ðis bé simpwł sentäns yu kan úz tö þaŋk sömwön.

Þaŋk’z älot för ðë bŷrþdáy möny.
Þaŋk’z älot för dríviŋ mé hóm.

Ðis kan ålsó bé úz’d tö mén:

Yuv bé’n wörs ðan úsles, gó äwáy.

Endiŋ mesij wið “þaŋk’z” bé wårniŋ ðat yur perlösly klós tö lusiŋ yur tempyr, fuł stop jyst mén yur aŋry.

Ekskúz mé.

Wen yu néd tö get þrûh byt ðêrz söm ijöt blokiŋ yur wáy, sáy “Ekskúz mé”.

Yu kan åłsó sáy ðis fráz tö pölítly get sömwön’s ätenšön. För ekzâmpwł:

Ekskúz mé syr, yu apéär tö häv drop’d sym lityr.
Ekskúz mé, dyu nóu wåt tím itiz?

Í bé sory.

Úz ðis fráz tö äpolöjíz az myč az posybwł, weþyr för symþiŋ big or smâł. Úz “för” tö giv môr dëtáwł. För ekzâmpwł:

Í bé sory för béiŋ syč fykwit.
Í bé sory för ðë mes. Í wåznt ekspektiŋ ánywön tödáy.

Yu kan úz “rély” tö šó yur very sory för symþiŋ:

Í bé rély sory Í didnt invít yu tö mý pârty.
Ekskúz mé, sory, bé ánywön sitiŋ hiër?

Ðis mén: “Yu hav þré sekönd’z tö mûv yur bag béfôr Í kił yu.”

Yu kan åłsó úz “sory” tö mén. “Get out öv mý wáy, šit-hed”

Nevyr mínd.

Lets sáy sömwön dónt yndërstand än ídéa yur trýiŋ tö eksplán. If yuv eksplán’d it óvyr and óvyr and hav’d ënyf, jyst sáy “ó, nevyr mínd”. Yu kan naw tâwk äbout symþiŋ ełs!

Yu kan ålsó úz “nevyr mínd” tö mén “it dónt matyr” or “jyst förget it”. In ðîz sičúášyn’z, sáy it wið smíył and pozitiv tón; öðërwíz wen yu sáy ðis fráz slówly wið fâliŋ low tón, pépł’z wił nóu yur pis’d wið ðem.

A: Bé yu góiŋ tö ðë grósry stôr tödáy?
B: Nó, Í bé not. Wý, dyu néd symþiŋ?
A: Ó, nevyr mínd. Its ókáy, Íl gó tömoró.

Nót: “Í bé jyst popiŋ out for lynč, döz ánywön wånt ányþiŋ?” mén “Í bé getiŋ mý own lynč naw, pléz šyt yur mouþ.”

Yu kan åłsó úz:

“Not tö wyry” = Í wił nevyr förget ðis.
“Its fín” = It rély kudnt posibly get ány wörs, but nó dout it wił.
“Perfik” = Weł ðats ðat rúin’d ðen.
“Onëstly, it dónt matyr” = Í šał nevyr spék tö yu ägán.
“Nó harm dyn, it kud bé wörs” = Yuv fyk’d it ríht yp.

Í bé lŷrniŋ Iŋliš.

Ðis simpwł fráz teł pépł’z ðat Iŋliš bé not yur nátiv laŋwij. If yur tótäł nûb, ad “jyst stârt’d” âftyr “Í”: “Ív jyst stârt’d lŷrniŋ Iŋliš”.

Mý nám bé ...; and Í bé lŷrniŋ Iŋliš.

Wen yu bëköm môr fluënt yu kan sáy:

Í bé spékiŋ ðë very gud Iŋliš.

Í dónt yndërstand.

Úz ðis fráz wen yu dónt yndërstand wåt sömwön mén.

Sory, Í dónt yndërstand wý Brityn wånt tö lév Úröp, it sém very kynfúsiŋ!

Ku’d yu rëpét ðat pléz?

If yud lík sömwön tö sáy wörd, kwesčön or fráz ägán, úz ðis kwesčön. Sins “tö rëpét” mén “tö sáy ägán”, yu kan åłsó âsk, “Ku’d yu sáy ðat ägán pléz?”

Ku’d yu pléz rëpét ðat?
Í dónt yndërstand wý Brityn wånt out öv Úröp!
Ku’d yu rëpét ðat pléz?

Ku’d yu pléz tâwk slówyr?

Nátiv spékyr’z kan tâwk very fâst. Fâst Iŋliš bé hârd tö yndërstand! Ðis bé än ézi wáy tö âsk sömwön tö spék môr slówly.

A: Yu kan giv ys kâł ány wékdáy from 8:00 .m. tö 5:00 p.m. on fív fív fív, tw fív zéró êht, ekstenšön þré þré ...;
B: Í bé sory, ku’d yu pléz tâwk slówyr?

þaŋk yu. Ðat hełp älot.

Âftër sömwön stârt spékiŋ môr slówly för yu, þaŋk ðem wið ðis fráz.

Yu kan úz it in mány öðër sičúášön’z, tû.

A: Ku’d yu pléz mák ðë font bigyr? It bé hârd för mé tö réd ðë wörd’z.
B: Šûr! Íł čánj it from síz 10 tö 16. Howz ðis?
A: Þaŋk yu. Ðat giv wârm féliŋ to mý yndyrpârt’z.

Wåt döz <...> mén?

Wen yu héär or sé nú wörd, úz ðis fráz tö âsk wåt it mén.

A: Wåt döz “font” mén?
B: Its ðë stíył öv letyr’z, nymbyr’z and pynkčúášön mârk’z wen yu típ. A komön font bé Tímz Nú Rómän.

How dyu speł ðat?

Iŋliš speliŋ kan bé triky, só mák šûr tö lŷrn ðis kwesčön. Yu kud åłsó âsk sömwön, “Kud yu speł ðat för mé?”

A: Mý nám bé Wayn Haŋkerčîf.
B: How dyu speł ðat?

Wåt dyu mén?

Wen yu yndërstand ðë wörd’z wön bý wön, byt not wåt ðey mén tögeðyr, úz ðis kwesčön. Yu kan âsk it wenevyr yur kynfús’d äbout wåt sömwön bé teliŋ yu.

A: Ðë Smiþ’z hav rély nís hous, byt ðë grâs bé âłwáz grényr on ðë öðër síd.
B: Wåt dyu mén?
A: Í mén ðat if wé hav’d ðë Smiþ’z’s hous, wé probly wudnt bé hapiyr. Wé ålwáyz þiŋk öðër pépł’z hav betyr lív’z ðan ys, byt öðër pépl’z hav problym’z tû.
B: Yêh, byt öðër pépl’z hav nís grâs’z tû.

Méniŋ’z öv “Í beg yur pârdön”:

  • Í didnt héär yu.
  • Í äpolöjíz.
  • Haw very dár yu!

Nóåt Í mén?

If yur haviŋ trybwł mákiŋ yurself yndërstud yu kan úz ðis fráz tö mák ðem ânser “Yeh” évyn if ðey stił hav nó ídéä.

Intrödúsiŋ Yursełf and Mákiŋ Frend’z

Ðêr bé mány wáy’z tö sáy “Heló” in Iŋliš, from ðë infôrmwł “Wočyr” or “Âwríht?” tö ðë môr formwł “Haw dyudu?”. Ðis bé not än invitášön tö koment on persön’s kwality öv líf, só du not rëplý wið list öv áłmynt’z.

Hí! Í bé ...;. (And yu?)

Hiërz än infôrmwł grétiŋ yu kan úz wen yu mét nú frend’z. If ðë persön dónt teł yu ðêr nám, yu kan âsk “And wåt’s yur nám?” or “Hûðäfykâr yu?”

Hí! Í bé Bârbi. And yu?

Nís tö mét yu.

Âftër yu lŷrn éč öðër’s nám’z, its pölít tö sáy ðis fráz.

A: Hí Bârbi, Í bé Boris.
B: Nís tö mét yu, Boris.
A: Nís tit’z Bârbi.

Wêr bé yu from?

Âsk ðis kwesčön tö fínd out wič kyntry sömwön bé from. Yu ânsyr ðis kwesčön wið “Í bé from …”.

Kan yu ânsyr ðis kwesčön in Iŋliš? Sáy bóþ ðë kwesčön and ânsyr äloud ríht naw.

A: Nís tö mét yu, Sergio. Só, wêr bé yu from?
B: Í bé from Brentförd. Mé and Boris liv hiër.
A: Ó Í þôt yu wåz from Éstyrn Úröp.

Wåt dyu du?

Móst adyłt’z âsk éč öðër ðis kwesčön wen ðey mét. It mén wåt dyu du för liviŋ (wåtz yur job). Í þiŋk ðis kwesčön bé boriŋ, só Í âsk öðër kwesčön’z. Byt mány pépł’z wił probly âsk yu ðis, só its importänt tö nóu wåt it mén.

A: Wåt dyu du, Újény?
B: Í wörk ät ðë Únivyrsity az fínanšwł spešälist.

Wåt dyu lík tö du (in yur fré tím)?

Insted öv âskiŋ för sömwön’s job títwł, Í prëfyr tö âsk wåt ðey enjoy doiŋ. Ðë rëspons’z (ânsyr’z) bé úžly myč môr intrestiŋ!

If ðey stârt tö giv tû myč införmášön, yu kan sáy “Nó yêh ðats very intrestiŋ” wič mén “Yur bôriŋ mé tö deþ”.

Wåts yur fón nymbyr?

If yu wånt tö kép in kontakt wið sömwön yu jyst met, âsk ðis kwesčön tö fínd out ðêr fón nymbyr. Yu kan rëplás “fón nymbyr” wið “emáł” if yu wånt tö nóu ðêr emáł adres.

It wud bé grêt tö mét up ägán symtím. wåts yur fón nymbyr?

Wen yu hav ðêr fón nymbyr, yu kan foló ðat wið:

Dyuäv Fásbuk?

Mány pépl’z kép in töč (kontakt) þrûh Fásbuk. Úz ðis kwesčön tö fínd out if sömwön hav Fásbuk äkount. Yu míht åłsó âsk, “Âr yu on Dryg’z?”

Lets kép in töč! Dyuäv Fásbuk?

If pépłz wånt tö mét yp, yu kan sáy:

Í míht join yu látyr. = Í bé not léviŋ ðë hous tödáy ynles its on fír.
Pop round ánytím. = pléz stáy äwáy from mý hous.

Sáyiŋ gudby

Wen yuv hav’d ënyf, ðèr bé lots öv wáy’z tö ekskúz yursełf:

Ánywáy, bé ðat ðë tím?
Ríht ðen, Í spóz Í rély šud stârt þiŋkiŋ äbout posibly mákiŋ mûv.
Séyä!

Fráz’z för Wörk

Hiër bé sevn básik fráz’z yu míht úz ät job.

How kan Í hełp yu?

If yu wörk in kystömyr servis, yuł úz ðis fráz älot. Its åłsó komön fráz wen ânseriŋ ðë fón.

[On ðë fón]: Heló, ðis bé Bârbi spékiŋ. How kan Í help yu?

Íł bé wið yu in mómynt.

Wen sömwön wånt tö sé yu, úz ðis fráz if yu néd minit tö get yur klóð’z on fyrst. If klíynt bé wátiŋ ät stôr, yu kan åłsó úz ðis fráz tö let ðem nóu ðêr tyrn bé nekst.

Yu kan rëplás “mómynt” wið “minit” or jyst “mó”: “Íl bé wið yu in (jyst) mó”.

Änöðyr komön fráz för ðis sičúášön bé: “Íł bé ríht wið yu”.

Gud môrniŋ! Íł bé wið yu drekly.

Yu kan úz “Wenevyr yu get minit” tö mén “ríht naw!”.

Wåt tím bé ...; ?

Yu kan úz ðis kynstrykčön tö âsk ðë tím öv ány ëvent: “wåt tím bé [ëvent]?”

If yu wånt tö âsk äbout métiŋ on sertyn dáy, ad “on [dáy]”. För ekzâmpwł:

Wåt tím bé our métiŋ on Þyrzdy?
Wåt tím bé our métiŋ on Wenzdy?

Pléz kâł mé (bak) ät…

Wen yu wånt sömwön tö kâł yu or tö kâł yu bak (tö rëtyrn yur kâł), úz ðis fráz tö giv yur fón nymbyr.

Hí, ðis bé Újény from ðë fínanšwł ofis.
Í bé wöndriŋ if yu found ðóz misiŋ möny’z.
Pléz kâł mé bak on 555-5555. þaŋk’z!

(Ó rély?) Akčúly, Í þôht…

Wen yu disãgré wið sömwön, “Akčúly, Í þôht…” wil mák yu sound kondësendiŋ and môr disinjenúös ðan sáyiŋ “Nó” or “yur wroŋ”. Ðis fráz bé úsfuł wen yu hav betyr ídéa ðan sömwön els.

A: Só Sams kymiŋ in töníht ät 8, ríht?
B: Akčúly, Í þôht šé wåznt wörkiŋ ät âł ðis wék.
A: Ó, ok. Íł hav tö luk ät ðë skedúł ägán.
B: Akčúly, mý hovyrkraft bé ful öv éł’z.

Akčúly, Í …

Jyst lík äböv, yu kan úz “akčúly, Í…” wið mány difrynt vyrb’z: “héär’d”, “lyrn’d”, “bé”, “kan”, “kânt”, etc. Yu šud úz it för ðë sám sičúášön az äböv: wen yur tâwkiŋ tö än ijöt or mákiŋ ekskús’z.

A: Did yu finiš ðë rëport’z?
B: Akčúly, Í bé ryniŋ bit bëhínd, byt ðeył bé dyn drekly!

C: Wen yu típ, âłwáyz put tw spás’z bétwén sentäns’z.
D: Akčúly, Í lyrn’d tö put siŋwl spás bétwén sentäns’z.

Í bé (jyst) äbout tö …

Wen yuv kymplétly förgot’n tö du symþiŋ, yur “jyst äbout tö” du it.

Í bé jyst äbout tö send ðóz emáł’z.

A: Í bé äbout tö páy ðë bił.
B: Yu šudäv páy’d it yestyrdy.
A: Í wudäv páy’d it sûnyr, but Í bé skint. Boró mé tenyr?
B: Wé kudäv âłredy got ourselvz intö bit öv pikwł ðêr.
A: Ðats sertänly wön wáy öv lukiŋ at it.

Ðêr ár mány wáy’z tö tâwk äbout béiŋ boðyr’d: “wudäv”, “šudäv” and “kudäv” bé þiŋ’z ðat didnt hap’n in ðë pâst; “wónt”, “šânt” and “kânt” bé úz’d tö indikát lak öv intrëst in ðë fúčyr.

Ðêr bé lots öv difrynt wáy’z to ëkspres disagrémynt:

If yu sáy só ...; = wåt yur sáyiŋ bé bolöks.
Wið åł dú rëspekt ...; = Yu hav absölútly nó ídéa wåt yur tâwkiŋ äbout.
Éč tö ðêr own ...; = Evryþiŋ yu du bé sčúpid.

Rëmembyr tö praktis sáyiŋ ðéz fráz’z out loud békoz yuł nevyr plouh fîwld bý tyrniŋ it óvër in yur mínd.


Prönynsiášön Gíd

b/b/bug, bibble, bit, bobulate, banter
d/d/dad, add, din, fuddy-duddy
f/f/fat, cliff, phone, enough, half, often, kerfuffle
g/g/gun, egg, ghost, guest, prologue, gongoozle
h/h/hop, who, ham, house, hobbledehoy
j/dʒ/jam, wage, giraffe, edge, soldier, exaggerate, argie-bargie
k/k/kit, cat, chris, accent, folk, bouquet, queen, mockery, box
l/l/live, well, left, lips
m/m/man, summer, comb, column, palm
n/n/net, funny, know, gnat, pneumonic
p/p/pin, piss, pot, dippy
r/r/run, carrot, wrench, rhyme
s/s/sit, less, circle, scene, psycho, listen, pace, course
t/t/tip, matter, thomas, ripped
v/v/vine, of, stephen, five, vat, vomitorium
w/w/wit, why, quick, choir
z/z/zed, buzz, his, scissors, xylophone, craze, gazump
ž/ʒ/treasure, division, delusion
č/tʃ/chip, watch, future, chat, righteous
š/ʃ/sham, ocean, sure, special, pension, machine, conscience, station
þ/θ/thongs, thigh, thing
ð/ð/this, then, leather
ŋ/ŋ/ring, pink, tongue
y/j/you, hallelujah, yes
x/x/(loch)
a/æ/cat, flap
á/eɪ/bay, maid, weigh, straight, play, eight, gauge, mate, break, they
e/e/end, bread, friend, said, many, leopard, heifer, aesthetic
é, î, -y/i:/be, bee, meat, key, phoenix, grief, ski, deceive, people, quay
i, ë/ɪ/kit, england, busy, guild, gym, sieve
í, -ý/aɪ/spider, sky, night, pie, guy, island, height, kite
o/ɒ/lot, cloth, honest, want, quarrel
ó/oʊ/open, moat, bone, toe, sow, dough, brooch, bodacious, sew
u/ʊ/wolf, look, bush, would, foot
y/ʌ/lug, monkey, blood, double, strut, upchuck
û, -w/u:/who, loon, blue, flute, shoe, through, fruit, group, canoodle, spoof
ä/ə/about, ladder, pencil, dollar, honour, augur
ê/eəʳ/pear, their, prayer, where, stair, declare
â/ɑ:/arm, bath, palm
ŷ, ö/ɜ:ʳ/bird, term, burn, pearl, word, journey, merkin
å, ô/ɔ:/paw, ball, fork, poor, fore, board, four, taught, war, bought, sauce
ú/ʊəʳ/cure, cube, fatuous, stupid, tourist

Cliches :: Avoid them like the plague!

You’ve just sat up half the night fine-tuning and agonising over your latest lyrical piece de resistance, but reading it back in the cold light of day you discover that what your previous night’s magical inspiration reads roughly like this:


Your love is like a platitude ...;

I Love you and you love me,
Love is forever, can’t you see?
Call on me, I’m down on my knees,
Together babe we can be free.

Like the rain on a mountain top,
My love for you will never stop.
I know I’ll be rambling for years
With nothing but my fears and lonely tears.

I think of you each lonely night
My angel of the starlight.
How I cried with foolish pride
Without you there beside my side.

I saw you walking down the street
Hoping that one day we’d meet;
When you walked into the room
You picked me up out of the gloom.

You said you would be my wife
When you came into my life.
All that we have left is strife;
Cold as ice, cuts like a knife.

I want you, I need you, I love you;
Hold me close, my dream come true.
We used to make love all night long
And feel our hearts beating as one.

You looked at me with eyes of fire,
And told sweet lies of love’s desire,
You ripped apart my broken heart
And now I don’t know where to start.

I’ll be riding out of Georgia
With that railtrack on my mind,
Gambling with the queen of hearts
Coz you know love is blind.

Believe in love and feel the pain.
Baby take me back again.
We could be much more than friends;
Keep it real, don’t let it end.

You know I’m lost without you
After all that we’ve been through.
Let’s get together and be one;
We should be having fun in the sun.

Ooh babe, all my love is more than words can say ...;
Ooh babe, I believe in you ...;

If that sounds like one of your songs, you need help. If you think that sounds like a perfectly good lyric, you’re in serious trouble. You also need to get a life and move to a different state.

Read more ...

The world is full of drunk and depressing Country and Western ballads; songs about how great it is to rock’n’roll or whatever it is you like to put your hands in the air and shake your thing to; or how emotionally disturbed or rich and famous you pretend to be. If you want to stand out from the crowd, you need to edit your work.

When you’re writing new material, you don’t need your internal editor to get in the way. We all tend to go for rather obvious rhymes when we’re first downloading a lyric from the ethers. That’s fine. The trick is to go over it afterwards with a critical eye and do something about the bloopers.

What is a cliché?

Some well used clichesA cliché is anything that has been overused, recycled too many times or done to death. It is stereotypical or banal. The first time someone used the line it was genius, but that was in thirteen-canteen - now it just sounds lazy and insincere. Many proverbs, aphorisms and popular turns of phrase come into this category. Sometimes they’re unavoidable, occasionally they can be appropriate, but rarely are they a master stroke of song-fu.

Generally, it is wise to avoid writing about:

Combinations of weather, elements and geographical features: rain, storms, clouds, snow; mountains, rivers, valleys, streams, oceans, and so on. Crossing or climbing one or more of these to get to your love-object. Love being deeper than the ocean, higher than the sky or whatever. Comparing their body parts to beautiful things in nature. Any reference to angels or hearts. Travelling or rambling from town to town. Either in a train or car with your baby, or alone, searching for, or running away from your baby. Use of the word baby. Gambling. Rolling of the dice in any way, shape, or form. Ace of spades, queen of hearts, shooting crap. Weapons: usually guns or knives. Anything about how heart wrenching it is when they leave and perhaps take some part of you away when they go and so on and such forth.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: River Deep, Mountain High, Walk On By, Whole Lotta Love, War Pigs, Highway Star songs like that are classics!?! Sure, but they’ve been done. That lamp-post has been pissed on by every dog in town. Your task is to think of something better, different or funnier.

How to avoid clichés

The first great tip is: get clear what your song is actually about. Know what you’re trying to say. Rip out any lines that don’t make sense or add to the emotional build-up.

Authenticity

The best way to avoid clichés is to write from your own personal experience with as much specific detail as possible. Don’t just hold your lover’s hand, stroke their nervous fingers with your awkward shaking palms. Or something better than that. Authenticity cannot be bought or learned; it is more about what you don’t do than what you do. Sure, write from the heart, but write about what you know. Real life often juxtaposes ideas and events in a way that you would rarely imagine. Ruth is much stranger than Richard.

Reversal

Elvis Costello revitalised tired old aphorisms by turning them round on themselves: A death worse than fate, Your mouth is made up but your mind is undone. Diane Warren turned round a worn-out phrase and wrote Unbreak My Heart. Talking Heads turned round the entire concept of Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi in (Nothing But) Flowers. The trick is to think of it first.

Find a new angle

The Author, trying to avoid a cliché and failing.

Say you want to write about an event that occurred at night. You just happened to be in Georgia and it was actually raining. And you really were headed for San Fran with a floral hair-do. You are going to have to approach this from a different angle if you don’t want to labelled as a lyrical lamer. Try writing it from someone else’s point of view. Relocate the action. Placing a well-worn concept into a new context or juxtaposing it with other familiar themes can often rehydrate those stale old chestnuts.

Learn to use a thesaurus

Songs written using a thesaurus or rhyming dictionary can often sound mechanical and contrived, but if your heart-felt sentiment has just come out sounding like Phil Collins or The Black Eyed Peas, get a thesaurus and find some different words that say the same thing. It’s good practice to avoid repeating words - the above example repeats the word lonely in close succession. As well as criminally over-using love and heart. Find an alternative.

It doesn’t have to rhyme

Or scan for that matter. Lyrics with monotonous rhythms and rhyming patterns tend to sound trite whatever you do. This is often exacerbated by using bad grammar or street slang in order to make the line fit. Let the melody do the work. Setting up the expectation of a rhyme and then failing to fulfil it can have great comic and dramatic effect. Try using an odd number of syllables, learn about assonance, alliteration and internal rhymes. Try cutting it into pieces and rearranging them. Alternatively, rewrite the whole thing as prose the way you would say it. Or the way someone witty and clever would say it.

Be genre-savvy

Listen to classic songs within the genre. Make a note of what is considered great and what is generally reckoned to be awful. Bear in mind there is such a thing as so-bad-it’s-good, the prime example of which is MacArthur Park by Jimmy Webb. This is actually a classic, but you’re probably not going to get away with it. If Bob Dylan used the line, you must not. Not even as a quote - don’t do it, think of something else, try to think of another way to say the same thing.

Break the rules

Never listen to advice. It’s your song. If you write from the heart, put some effort into your choice of words and then sing it like you really mean it, you will probably get away with it. You may even end up composing a classic - great songs have been known to just download themselves from the ethers if you get yourself out of the way enough. That said, most people have to work at it to a greater or lesser extent.

Happy songwriting!

Python For Absolute Beginners

Python for Absolute Beginners - programming bookThere are many more people who want to study programming other than aspiring computer scientists with a passing grade in advanced calculus. This guide appeals to your intelligence and ability to solve practical problems, while gently teaching the most recent revision of the programming language Python.

You can learn solid software design skills and accomplish practical programming tasks, like extending applications and automating everyday processes, even if you have no programming experience at all. Authors Tim Hall and J-P Stacey use everyday language to decode programming jargon and teach Python 3 to the absolute beginner.

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What you’ll learn

  • Cultivate a problem-solving approach and acquire software design skills.
  • Learn how to create your own software from simple Hello World type programs to stand-alone windowed applications.
  • Document while programming, program while documenting.
  • Decode programmers’ jargon.
  • Master the Python 3 programming language.

 

Who is this book for

Non-programmers who want to learn Python programming without taking a detour via a computer science department.

Tim uses Python as his main programming language, primarily as a means for creative ends, because it is easy to read and fun to learn. He has also written newbie tutorials for Linux User and Developer magazine in between more mundane system admin and web authoring jobs.